For the longest time, my instagram bio-line read “I’m choosing to be happy”. I already knew the depth of this and I felt a little intimidated, choosing it as my mantra. Nevertheless, I was ready to pull the bull by its horn.
But the bull has had other plans and almost succeeded in fucking up my life. To say 2017 has been difficult will be a gross understatement. My woes started from the first day of the year and it went downhill from there. It's been nights of endless tears and anxiety. I have spent more time asking myself why and how things could go so horribly wrong. I spent too much of my time loving and living for another. For a whole year, I was bitter and full of questions I knew could not be answered. I wondered what it would take to find me in all of this.
Now looking back, I realized, that I depended on the wrong things to make me happy. I forgot about the routine I put in place to love myself more. I forgot about saying yes to myself. I only said Yes to what made other's happy. I continuously made the wrong choices, which of course, meant I was completely off the Happiness road.
What I am trying to say is, we often find ourselves saying choosing all the things that fight against us and when we have been unhappy for so long, we forget how happy feels like. We are weary of it and we believe we don't deserve to happy. I remember laughing so hard at a joke my sister told and seconds later, I was asking myself, "Why are you laughing? Look at your life, what's there to be happy about? "
I am here to tell you that, if you have seen an exhilarating smile on another person's face, you best believe that it can happen for you too. It's exists and it is ultimately a choice you WILL have to make. A choice to enjoy every moment, every laughter and every experience. You have a choice to enjoy the now, just as much as you have dared to hope for a better future.
Choose to be happy.