Emotional cheating hurts more and you are probably doing it right now
So here are the symptoms; It really starts with one text message. “Hey, it’s been a minute. I hope you’re well. I miss you. :)”.
This text looks pretty harmless, doesn’t it? After all, how else are these little chats with “friends” supposed to go? But you see, the phone calls get longer, the texting gets lengthier. Now you’re checking in to see what they had for breakfast, what plans he has for the weekend, whether or not, she’s had a long day.
While you’re making breakfast in silence for your husband, you’re texting another about what a crappy night you’ve had. When you see a funny joke, you pause and wonder who you should send it to; your girlfriend, wife or this other really special girl you’ve been talking to.
You kid yourself that, there really isn’t anything going on because you are not physically in the same space and so nothing could possibly affect your fidelity to your significant other. But you are constantly thinking about him or her.
Because that old giddy feeling you used to have when you first fell in love is returning but you simply cannot recognize it.
My brother, girlfriend, darling, let me diagnose you. You are emotionally cheating and you are not alone in this crime of love or lust [whatever]. The thing is most people do not realize that emotional commitments to other people outside our partners are just as dangerous as physically or sexually cheating on someone. It causes just as much pain, insecurity, and distrust.
You can’t tell when the lines of friendships become blurry. The truth is we all have social lives, pasts experiences and ongoing friendships. And while we do not keep in touch with more than half of them sometimes, as a need to escape our own dreary lives, we build bonds, sharing and opening mental and emotional intimacy with people who potentially pose a threat to what we already have going on.
Granted, we also really do not plan to build these type of connections, but as social people, we are always looking to fulfil what’s missing in our relationships. Whether it’s more attention, a communication gap, or, I repeat, more attention.
There is an abuse of trust and a helplessness that comes with being with someone who has a connection with someone else.. You are caught between a rock and hard place trying to assert your place in a relationship.
What to do?
It's really hard to say. But I do think it’s a big red flag when this happens. There is a disconnect that cannot be ignored. It's normal for people to lose focus on working on their relationships. For some, it is an escape for an unhappiness they do not know how to deal with. For others, there's really no excuse. But I do think if you believe your relationship is worth saving, then you need to have a conversation about it. You need to let your partner know that while you have complete trust in them, you are not happy with the situation and you are still trusting him to handle it; to fix it and for want of a better word, wrap it up fast. Let them know.
But I do think if you believe your relationship is worth saving, then you need to have a conversation about it. You need to let your partner know that while you have complete trust in them, you are not happy with the situation and you are still trusting them to handle it; to fix it and for want of a better word, wrap it up, fast. Let them know.
I can tell you that in most cases until something drastic happens, the exchange on the other side doesn't really go away and your reaction to it may or not influence where it goes. Let them know.
Let them know. Regardless
I'd love to hear if this experience is something you are familiar with and whether there's a way to fix it!