Closing the door on 2017 : I leave depression and anxiety behind

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Season’s Greetings lovlies. The year is drawing to a close and it’s always a great time to reflect on the year, evaluate, make changes and move forward.  When i think about the year I had, I spent a lot of time nursing wounds that kept opening. I look back, I am thankful that I was able to start my little baby project, The Grey Podcast, at a very difficult time. For me, speaking to all these women was as therapeutic as it was exciting.

While the response was rewarding, day and night, my world got harder and darker. I suffered long bouts of depression and anxiety. I cared about everything and nothing. It pinned me down.  Fretting that my life was passing me by and i could not possess the will to live it. Thinking back now as the year closes, I think I underestimated how much of myself i would need to survive the dark. How much mental strength it would take to leave the mess behind.

Some days, I thought I would die. Although, my life hasn’t gotten easier, I will say that the lines of pain get a little blurry, the heart heaves a little less and sometimes, gracious, I am even able to laugh. Who would have thought! Goes without saying, that I certainly do not intend to write anymore dreary posts again! 

So today’s post is a declaration for me and anyone who has had a tough year. It’s time to say goodbye to the past.

I am closing the door on self-pity. Instantly blaming myself of the troubles that befell me  
I am closing the door on fear of not being enough.
I am closing the door on seeking validation from even people that mattered to me.
I am closing the door on letting my emotions dictate my growth and decisions. 
I am closing the door on allowing the imperfections of others stick with me. I accept that I cannot absorb everyone’s drama and fix it. 
 
I want you to know that I understand. I understand what it is to be caught in a limbo of uncertainty and unending grief. You must be in a turmoil that makes you wish you could go back in time and make different choices. But i want you to know this was all supposed to happen. Because the cliche is true : Things do happen for a reason. There is a lesson to be learnt in every tragedy. Even it is to remind you of your own capacity and strength, it will be worth it.  It will make the future easier.

It’s hard to face a new day when you do not have a plain place to help you cope. We live in a society that makes you rush constantly against time to achieve, to become a success. We never really think about taking the time to take care of ourselves. As we look to the future, let’s remember to take care of ourselves, protect our minds and hearts with positivity and take the time to be grateful. That’s a great stepping to the future.