#RelationshipGoals: The 5 year evaluation rule instead of a marriage

Photo by Andre Hunter

Photo by Andre Hunter

Since we are in the month of love. Let's talk about it for a minute here.

Every single day. Every single damn day, you are [FOR SURE] going to hear some relationship mess  that makes you ask,where do they rear these people at? People are walking down the aisle, with no sense of exclusivity or respect.  Men are marrying women with job descriptions which are actually meant for a hired helps. Women are marrying men who but are really looking for walking bank vaults.  Outdated and Overpriced

I’m generalizing, I know. But we know these role stereotyping aren't born out of a vacuum. That’s another matter altogether.


My point is, let’s admit that there is something is fundamentally off here. My faith in the institution fades steadily. 


Marriage should be beautiful. SHOULD BE. Yet clearly,  we are battling lies, bias, patriarchy, disregard and all rounds of bullshit in this thing we are calling marriage. Many people have found that expectations they had of each other have not been met.  Many are resentful and unhappy but are tied to these burdensome commitments out of duty and the fear of the costly divorce proceedings

 If we are in 2018, and still discussing cooking and cleaning as an inherent role of a woman in marriage, then it is clear we are in for a disaster. Of course, if we can all agree that hunger is a basic human phenomenon, then we may be getting somewhere. But since we can’t, we may have to look at alternative systems!  

My point is, if we still carry on assigning roles that gendered and limited to each other in marriages, if we cannot perceive that this is solely based on teamwork that fulfills both parties equally, regardless of the sacrifices that are need to be made; Then all of it has gone to shit.

It is pretty apparent our ideals evolve per our experiences and life aspirations. We may not always be able to communicate this properly in our relationships.  We need to find a way to put all the cards on the table from jump. So  I would like to propose to you :

The 5 year evaluation plan

And before you tear it into shreds you should know that I also burst out laughing because my conventional mind couldn’t grasp its possibility.


But here is how it works based on what I've been told:

Boy meets girl.

Boy and girl fall in love.

Boy and girl start to think this could be a real legit relationship.

Boy and girl decide to get Mar-

Wait, how about if boy and girl decide to do this instead?


Draft a paper agreeing to stay exclusive and committed to each other, and stating clearly the expectations of each other.  You know things like this :

1. Girl: I promise to cook fresh meals for you three times a day because you cannot eat anything else.

2. Boy : I promise not to be home early everyday except Sundays because there’s EPL

Bad examples? But who cares.




At the end of five years, boy and girl do an honest evaluation of their time together. If the results are favorable, boy and girl renew for another five years and carry on. If the results are not good enough, the couple bear the equal responsibility of either cutting ties, moving on or giving it another go for shege reasons.  No messy divorce, no unfortunate entanglements . The contract should also have clear  statements round care that will and should be provided by the couple if there are children involved.


Now what do you think about that?


Well, I know this still sounds like a marriage in a sense, but so are most committed relationships so humor me a little. Let’s explore why this could be a better alternative:


1. Expectations, truthful expectations are and can be spelt out clearly. Not only does it give each partner a chance to have an objective assessment of what on earth they are getting into, it also gives one a fair opportunity to state what they can or can’t handle.


2. The most tiresome thing is trying to get someone to change. Ever heard someone say “ There signs were always there”,. Well, like Oprah said, when someone tells you who they are believe them. So instead of a being stuck in a commitment you can’t leave, this 5 year plan certainly makes it possible to do just that.  For example, if you marry a man that expects you to cook and cook fresh food, you are well within your rights to tell this man to sod off! I’m liking this idea all the more!


3. As I said before, we all know how expensive divorce can  be. If after five years, the evaluation falls under the mark, by all means, say adios and get the hell out of there.


4. If there are children involved, you can cut ties seamlessly since you are already co-parenting.

Living arrangements will have to be discussed properly to make transition bearable for the children.


There's a part of me that half-jokes about this concept because I, like many, still believe in the magic of marriage. I believe that it is a beautiful journey of friendship, trust, sacrifice and mutual respect. It should be met with an open heart. However! Since we have too many trifling people in the world these days, this just might be the way to go.