#WinterABC 4 :How do you do that again?


I don’t typically walk around thinking about what things  i can’t do well. If i did, i guess it would be natural to want to do the things i already did, better. Like being able to work on my book everyday, and not letting procrastination keep me from being great. So let’s see:

Organization, the bane of my existence

To organise like the boss I am meant to be. If my brain was an animal,  i am pretty sure it would be a butterfly. You know how they stay on the tip or rather a pollen of a flower for a few moments and then flutter away? That’s what I am. I am always trying to do too many things in too little a time. I usually find myself overburdened and angry  for getting myself into a tight spot. I suppose this comes from an innate panic trigger that I won’t get everything i want to do… done. Like ever. And that thought is so scary, my natural inclination is to go into overdrive. Can you relate?

I have however learned, the best thing to do when you need to put your thoughts together to organize anything, is to first under react. Once you get your nerves under control, clear thought prevails and you’re well on your way. But alas, try telling my brain that. Some days I win, most days I struggle.

I can’t look at you in the eye when I’m mad

Another thing I wish i could do well, is manage conflict better even when I am right. Have you ever been in an argument that just left you angry and drained at the same time. Much more strenuous is that, the person you’re in this conflict with is… well.. kind of valuable to you.  So you can’t just dump them in a bin;

Now the issue is that when I get mad, i stay mad... for  a while. Now before you judge me, it’s also because I not only need to stew but i need to think about this argument from both perspectives and yes that CAN take a while. However the struggle for me is initiating a conversation or to put it in a more eye-roll worthy way, being the bigger person always so hard for me.

Celebrating me for being me

My chosen mantra for going into 2019 was being intentional about happiness. Now i recognize that to do that, truly, I needed to practice gratitude more often.  Well… sometimes i tend to forget how to do that. I guess it’s natural to get overhwhelmed when you have bills to pay, your clients aren’t coming through as they should, and you’re wondering if your in-growing toenail is a message that it’s time to get a pedicure but you know your bank account doesn’t respect you.

I’m sorry that escalated rather quickly but  you get my drift.

Somedays it’s easy to slip into the Camus mode, out here questioning my very existence forgetting all the experiences that have shaped me into what I am today. I know I need to take the time to celebrate my little and big wins which are thankfully, quite a lot.  I am certainly grateful for where and how far I have come.

I certainly wish i remember it more than I often do.